Az ukránok

Az ukránokA szlovákok minden tekintetben komoly vetélytársat kaptak. Valójában persze lehetetlen kideríteni, hogy ki kapott vetélytársat, mert a nem létező népeknél képtelenség megállapítani, hogy melyikük szeretne előbb lenni volna. Tény viszont, hogy a szlovákok és a macedónok mellett az ukránok is részt vesznek a Senna-Prost-Mansell hármast idéző, megalkuvás nélküli, ám égbekiáltó hülyeségekkel tarkított, nemes versengésben a leghülyébb szláv vágynép címéért. A crnagorácok sajnos lemaradtak kicsit képzelőerő terén.

Egy-egy vágynép őrült gondolata rendszerint közepesen sikeres, de ennél önmagukat többre tartó, bölcsészhajlamú emberek fejéből szokott kipattanni. Ha nem akarsz Antall József lenni, és már minden igazi nép létezéséről tud a világ, akkor találj ki egy újat, amelynek te lehetsz az állítólagos alvásából való felébresztője, nagy tanítója, nyelvének megalkotója és örök hőse egy személyben! Az ilyen vágynépek közös jellemzője egy legalább ezer évvel ezelőtti, de inkább még régebbi dicső történelmi szakasz, majd egy hosszú-hosszú, mély alvás egészen a 19-20. századi felébredésig, amikor aztán az ellenségük ellensége jóvoltából kapott otthonnal – az ajándék államisággal – beköszöntött a második aranykor, és végre cinikus bosszút lehet állni mindenkin, akit a hatókörükbe sodort a balszerencse.

Igen, ez lényegében az Ölve vagy halva forgatókönyve Steven Seagallal.

A bolgármacedónok – önmaguk szerint – Nagy Sándor világhódításának élményét keblükre szorítva aludtak át huszonegy évszázadot Kr.e. 146-tól Kr.u. 1945-ig – úgy látszik, eléggé belefáradtak a rómaiak elleni honvédő háborúkba. A cseh-morvákból, lengyelekből és oroszokból a magyarok jóvoltából összeolvadt szlovákok elvetemültebbjei szentül hiszik, hogy azért hasonlít a nyelvük a nyugati és a keleti szlávokéra is, mert ők mindannyiuk közös őse, egyfajta ma is köztünk élő Denver dínó. Nagy szikrák lesznek itt, ha az oroszokból és lengyelekből verbuválódott, hasonló élményekből hasonló következtetést levonó, szomszédos ukránokkal ilyen értelemben is észreveszik egymást. Egyúttal epedve várjuk a moldáv felfedezést, miszerint a moldávok Traianus valódi egyenes ági unokanépe, a románok pedig csak a császár-hadvezér útközben elpöttyintett fattyúágából jönnek.

VÁROS- ÉS SZEMÉLYNÉVVÉGZŐDÉSBEN ÉL A NEMZET

Ukrán hazaffyak akcióban! Ahogy a csecsemők is az összes fellelhető tárgy szájbavételélvel fedezik fel a nagyvilágot, úgy a hasonló korú nemzetek is önmagukká akarnak tenni minden szembejövő lehetséges megtestesülést.
Ukrán hazaffyak akcióban! Ahogy a csecsemők is az összes fellelhető tárgy szájbavételélvel fedezik fel a nagyvilágot, úgy a hasonló korú nemzetek is önmagukká akarnak tenni minden szembejövő lehetséges megtestesülést.

A bevezető szöveg fényében nyilván senki sem számított az amúgy megszokott, régre visszatekintő történelem ok-okozati elemzésünkre. Így a 20. század közepétől, de még inkább 1991-től indítunk. Az ukránokat a lengyelektől elkülönítő határról gondoskodott a nagy Szovjetunió, így már csak az oroszoktól való teljes különbözést kellett megoldaniuk 1991 decembere után. Ezt többek közt azzal fejezték ki, hogy az ukrán nemzeti mozgalom központjának számító, oroszul Lvovnak nevezett nyugat-ukrajnai várost összetéveszthetetlen módon Lviv alakra írták át.

Abban az országban, amely önmagát még mindig Lengyelország Oroszországgal szomszédos határvidékének nevezi – lengyelül.

Az ukránítás persze nemcsak abban nyilvánul meg, hogy Lvovból Lvivet, Kijevből Kijivet meg Harkovból Harkivet csináltak. Ugyanezt az idiotizmust eljátszották a személynevekkel is, habár sajnos szörnyű érzéketlenséggel szembesültek mások részéről. Az ukrán Szerhijek a kék-sárga nemzeti felbuzdulás ellenére ugyanúgy Szergejek maradtak a világ többi részének, ahogy Kijiv is Kijev. A világ nem ukrán része még akkor sem hajlandó átszokni az újonnan keresztülverni próbált végződésekre, ha ukrán barátaink a Lenin-szobrok és betonfalak mellett akár az anyjuk picsáját is sárga-kékre mázolják.

A hazaffyság eme mélyenszántó megnyilvánulása azért is megsüvegelendő, mert sejtésünk szerint a kék festéket még az oroszok kenték fel.
A hazaffyság eme mélyenszántó megnyilvánulása azért is megsüvegelendő, mert sejtésünk szerint a kék festéket még az oroszok kenték fel.

A TÖRTÉNELEM HUMORA

Bizonyára zavaró, hogy hosszú percek olvasása után sem tiszta még, hogy kik is ezek az ukránok. Nos, ez nem az olvasó hibája, és nem is a miénk, de megpróbáljuk tisztába tenni ezt a kelet-európai csalimesét. Visszafejtjük a cselekményt a középkorig, amikor ukránok még nem léteztek ugyan, de elkezdődött azon hibák sorozata, amely végül idesodorta a szomszédunkba a legújabb amerikai bábállamot.

Hatalmas az a kelet-európai sztyeppe, ott bármi megtörténhet; és amióta mi magyarok eljöttünk onnan, rendre meg is történik a lehető legrosszabb.

A történet rém egyszerű volt, amíg az oroszlakta óriási síkságot a fojtogatóan precíz rend nélkül élni is képtelen svéd kereskedők szervezése, a Kijevi Rusz, illetve a szláv államszervezői készség szintjéről tanúskodó, apró orosz törzsi fejedelemségek uralták. Itt az első hiba, hiszen a Kijevi Rusz – kelet Nagymoráviája – tagadhatatlanul létezett, viszont olyannyira belevész a múlt homályába, hogy bármilyen kurva nagy ősi ukrán dicsőséget bele lehet hazudni rezzenéstelen arccal. Miután a mai Ukrajna nyugati része több száz évre lengyel kézre került, megkezdődött az ottani oroszok ellengyelesedése, amit nagyjából olyan földindulásszerű folyamatként érdemes elképzelnünk, mintha a csángók elkezdenének elmagyarosodni. Később, amikor az orosz cárság elfoglalta a tatároktól és oroszokkal telepítette be a ma jórészt Ukrajnához tartozó déli sztyeppét,

az akkori lengyel-orosz határon létrejött a választóvonal, amelynek ma is a két különböző oldalára térnek haza a gyengeelméjű Janukovics rajongói és az euromajdanos gyújtogató csőcselék.

Miután Lengyelország legnagyobb része Ukrajnástul orosz fennhatóság alá került, az ukránkérdés felbukkanása csaknem 200 évig jégre került. A további hibák a felsorolt folyamatok befejezetlenségében rejlenek. A lengyelek nem tudták olyan sokáig birtokolni a későbbi Ukrajna magját, hogy az ottani oroszok teljesen lengyellé váljanak, de az oroszok, illetve a cárság és a Szovjetunió sem gondoskodott róla, hogy a félig ellengyelesedett oroszok visszaváltozzanak. A félig elvégzett munkánál bizony kevés kártékonyabb dolog létezik a világon.

Az ukrán választások időtlen idők óta rendkívül hasonló eredményeket hoznak, de hát a tökéletes történelemhamisítás olyan, mint a tökéletes bűntény. Előbb-utóbb úgyis elhasalsz valamin.
Az ukrán választások időtlen idők óta rendkívül hasonló eredményeket hoznak, de hát a tökéletes történelemhamisítás olyan, mint a tökéletes bűntény. Előbb-utóbb úgyis elhasalsz valamin.

Ezt viszont mégsem adhatja így elő egy ukrán, hiszen még a többi, magát ukránnak gondoló valami más azt mondaná rá, hogy ő nem is igazi ukrán. A kozákok sokfelől összesereglett, soknemzetiségű rablóbandái a kora újkorban a tágas puszta lengyel-litván-orosz-tatár-török határvidékén, pont az ukránok párszáz évvel későbbi felbukkanási helyén halásztak a zavarosban. Őket annál közelebbről, hogy többségük szláv származású volt, lehetetlen beazonosítani, a ma élő maroknyi kozákon kívül senki sem azonosul a sorsukkal, így pont olyan jó ukránnak ígérkeztek, mint a Kijevi Rusz.

Ahogy a szlovák nemzet az állítólagos létrejöttekor másfél tucat evangélikus plébánost meg falusi kántortanítót jelentett, az ukrán nemzet az ő állítólagos létrejöttekor néhány kozák rablóbandából állt.

Csupán az az apróság zavarja meg az idilli képet, hogy a ma élő kozákok szíve igencsak Oroszországhoz húz, és nem kifejezetten rokonszenveznek sem a bukdácsoló ukrán államisággal, sem a még bukdácsolóbb ukrán nemzettudattal.

Az ukránok (4)
Ukrajna nem NATO-tagként is élvezi az USA által NATO-tagoknál működtetett, NATO-tag-ellenes, helyi terroristákat kitartó NATO-terrorszervezet áldásos hatásait.

BÁBÁLLAM, AMELY NEM IS MŰKÖDŐKÉPES, HA NEM BÁBOZIK VELE VALAKI

Kárpátalja ukrán kézre kerülése mellesleg az összes jelenlegi és korábbi területük hozzájuk kerülésének állatorvosi lova: adták-vették a környező országok, míg végül a Szovjetunió tette rá a véres kezét. Ott aztán Jelcin mindent bagóért elprivatizáló, bamba elnöklése alatt akkora kupleráj támadt, hogy egész atomfegyver-arzenálokat loptak el mindenféle akasztófára való kalandorok; pont országrészeket ne tudtak volna észrevétlenül lenyúlni? Kárpátalja a Szovjetunió szerzeménye volt, és mindössze földrajzi okokból maradt Ukrajnánál, a korábban az oroszokhoz tartozó Krím valahogy náluk felejtődött 1991 decemberében, a többit meg kapták a szovjettől.

Az övék maradt, náluk felejtődött, kapták… – mint valami lesajnált, félbolond falusi kéregető. Ezek a hatalmas hősök az egész szarkupacot így lapátolták össze, és nincs egy négyzetmétere, amely ne más országot illetne.

Európát minősíti, hogy még mindig ez a földrész második legnagyobb országa Oroszország után. Összetartásban is a létrejöttével arányos teljesítményt képes felmutatni: a Krímben orosz hadsereggel találkozó ukrán katonák 2014-ben megdöntötték az ellenséghez dezertálás éppen évszázados cseh világrekordját. A maradék országban meg, a főváros Kijevet is beleértve, az emberek azt kérdezgetik egymástól és saját maguktól, hogy akkor ők most ukránok vagy oroszok, mi a különbség a kettő között, és egyáltalán miért számít ez, amikor ők csak arra vágynak, hogy legyen mit enni és főleg inni. Ilyen gránitkeménységű öntudati alapokra biztosan a jövő mintaországát fogják felépíteni az NSA-CIA hátszéllel betüremkedő amerikai óriásvállalatok.

Az ukránok (5)
Illés Béla és Illés Béla népies stílusú graffitin szomorkodnak azon, hogy a magyar nép létének hiányosságai miatt ők a történelem két leghíresebb magyarja.

A SPORT JÓ BEFEKTETÉS, FELTÉVE, HOGY IGAZI NÉP VAGY

Az ukrán sportéletben kétségkívül a vodkavedelés a legnépszerűbb ágazat, maga mögé utasítva a labdarúgást, az ökölvívást és a rúdugrást. Utóbbi persze csak Szergej Bubkának köszönhető, akinek az aktív pályafutása alatt jött létre Ukrajna, de akiről sajnos senki sem tudta, hogy az új országa szerint Szerhijnek hívják. Ennél azonban nagyobb gondok is akadnak vele.

Ha a mostanság bimbódzó népköztársaság Wikipédia-felelősei olyan lelkesek lesznek, mint szerb kollégáik, akkor nemcsak a jugoszláv vízilabda olimpiai aranyak válnak szerbbé, de a luhanszki születésű rúdugró szöuli aranyérmét is másik sorba kell majd beírni.

A fénykorát Szovjetunió név alatt megélt ukrán foci önálló nemzetként a legenda szerint még a Vasasba sem beférő, donyecki születésű (ó jaj…!) Szergej (Szerhij!!!!!!!!!) Rebrovot és Andrej (Andrij!!!!!!!!) Sevcsenkót bírta kitermelni. A BL-győztes (ne feledjük minden idők legócskább döntőjét!) és aranylabdás játékos legfőbb ismérve, hogy nemzeti (BVSC-s) színekben annyira termékeny volt, mint manapság Novak Gyokovics, pályafutásának hattyúdalát pedig az eurómilliárdos kenőpénzekkel fémjelzett, sikertelen hazai Európa-bajnokság jelentette.

Tyimosenko a Krím orosz megszállásáról: „Itt az ideje fogni a fegyvereinket, és megölni ezeket az átkozott oroszokat a vezetőjükkel együtt; és leatomozni a 8 millió oroszt, akik számkivetettek Ukrajnában.” Hát igen, sokkal szelídebb és becsületesebb lenne a világ, ha a politikát is a nők irányítanák.
Tyimosenko a Krím orosz megszállásáról: „Itt az ideje fogni a fegyvereinket, és megölni ezeket az átkozott oroszokat a vezetőjükkel együtt; és leatomozni a 8 millió oroszt, akik számkivetettek Ukrajnában.”
Hát igen, sokkal szelídebb és becsületesebb lenne a világ, ha a politikát is a nők irányítanák.

Ez a kenetteljes esemény, amelynek rendezési jogát csalással és ármánykodással pont előlünk szerezték meg, jól mutat majd az egyetemes gazdaságtörténet Az ukrán államcsőd története című fejezetében. Az összes lényeges szegmensben kilátástalan mutatókat produkáló ukrán költségvetés Buta befektetések rovatának két éke az eurószázmilliókból felhúzott, ám azóta már az ukrán-ukránorosz konfliktus frontvonalán álló, ezáltal teljesen szétrombolt donyecki reptér, valamint az eurómilliárdokból felhúzott, ám azóta ukránorosz ellenőrzés és szórványos ukrán tüzérségi tűz alatt tartott donyecki Donbassz Aréna. Mindezek tetejébe még Vad II-t is beszopták a gólvonalon! Igen, ezért megérte EB-t rendezni, ti kretének!

RENDHAGYÓ EXPORTCIKKEK

Ami viszont tényleg vitán felül ukrán és megsüvegelendő sportteljesítmény, az a Klicsko testvérek ökölvívó-pályafutása. Vitalijnak, a tettlegességben gazdag ukrán parlament magasra kapaszkodott kidobófiújának viszont ezt máris sikerült elfeledtetnie egy az önmagát szintén politikusnak képzelő Hillary Clintonéhoz mérhető szereptévesztéssel. A helyzetet súlyosbítva, az ukránoknak ráadásul van egy saját Hillaryjük is, a nép egyszerű foszlós kalácsának álcázott Julija Tyimosenko, Szemjon Mogiljevics (az Agyas Don) üzlettársa.

Az ország gazdaságáról még néhány év IMF-gyarmatosítás után valószínűleg már nem lesz mit mondani, de szerencsére Ukrajna eddig is inkább olyan, rendhagyó exportcikkekben volt erős, mint a szervezett bűnözés, a csempészett cigaretta és a kurvák.

Előbbit most már egy Szeva bácsinál magasabb ligában játszó ciapat vette át, utóbbiból meg azért mégse lehet a végtelenségig eltartani egy egész országot.

Ideje lenne már feldarabolni a francba ezt a szerencsétlenséget, és felosztani az oroszok, lengyelek, magyarok és románok között. Sőt, ezek annyira nem létező nyomoroncok, hogy még a moldávoknak is kéne adni belőlük egy csipetet. Egy csomó idegeskedéstől, valamint rengeteg pénz és idő elpocsékolásától kímélhetnénk meg ezzel az oroszokat, az amerikaiakat, az EU-t és magukat az ún. ukránokat is, jelentsen bármit ez a szó. Mindenkinek egyszerűbb lenne így.

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  1. Kadhafi Svájccal javasolta ugyanilyen felosztási tervet

  2. Köszönöm és egyben gratulálok, nagyon élvezetes írás, sajnos a legtöbb részében igaza is van- bár a kelet-ejrópai aktuál- politikatörténetből nem kifogástalanok az ismereteim. A legjobban ez tetszik: ” a nép egyszerű foszlós kalácsának álcázott Julija Tyimosenko”. mindent visz. Pazar. még egyszer köszönöm. tisztelettel: (a hallgatag) emeletes Trukics. A létrájával.

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  4. Amellett, hogy egyetértek a humorodat is élvezem!

  5. Veres Péter

    Azért használják most az “ukrán” etnonimet, keleti szomszédaink, mert az ukránok eredeti népelvenvezésüket “rusz”-t, ahonnan a magyar “orosz” elnevezés is származik , másodlagosan I.Péter az északon élő “moszkovitákra” is kiterjesztette a XVIII. század elején. 1849-ben a magyarok jelenlegi oroszok etniikai elődeit, még hagyományosan moszkovitának nevezték.A magyarban meglévő Orosz vezetéknév nem a mostani oroszokra utal, hanem egyértelműen a mai ukránok elődeire.

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